Thinking about when I was a kid – diving into the deep end of a pool and swimming to reach the bottom. Swimming until pressure made the bridge of my nose pinch and I knew I was running out of air, but the bottom of the pool was just in my reach.

I wish I knew what feelings felt like, so that I could learn to feel them better. It’s hard to understand a concept you thought you knew this whole time, but it turns out you never knew at all.

There’s a spider somewhere in my car. I can’t bring myself to do anything about it – kill it, move it, care about it. I was driving and it crawled out from the sun visor and over my head, settling above the backseats. Not large, not too small. Black. Quick.